Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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