Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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