Can i not drive my cunt home
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
