Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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