end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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