I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He did a backflip because drugs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
