We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize