its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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