I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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