would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
