No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
