I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
