i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
