I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
