I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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