I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
