nut hugger
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
