I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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