we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
