she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
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I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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