Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize