Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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