you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
