So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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