so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have post one night stand depression
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
