sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
