R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
