im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
