i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
