We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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