Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
