They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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