the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
