Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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