Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
