I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
