how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
