We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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