Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he thought i was a dude.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
