then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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