im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
