a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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