he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
