He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
