I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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