idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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