He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
