Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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