Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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