so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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