went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
two words...techno handjob
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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