I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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