i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
either way he was missing a nipple.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
