Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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