I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I need moral support for this bender
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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