So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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