return my video game
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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