Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
