so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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