i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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