dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
