Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
