I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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