Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
