Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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