We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
