Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
