a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she told me i tasted like america
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
