Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
