Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
