My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
honey bunches of taint.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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