i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am one with the molecules
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
