Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
