The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
