dude i'm inner monologue high
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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